Why is defensiveness so damaging to our relationships? As one of my personal mental health heroes, Dr. Harriet Lerner, would say: “Defensiveness is the arch-enemy of listening.” Why? Because you can’t be defensive and listen simultaneously. It’s impossible. There are all different levels of being defensive, and there are many reasons why some people are more defensive than others. So much of it has to do with the home you grew up in and the behavior that you saw modeled when you were a child. Questions to guide you: -- When problems or conflict arose, what kind of behavior did you witness? -- How did your parents or caretakers communicate? With one another? With you? -- Did you grow up in a very authoritarian home? -- If you made a mistake, how was it handled? Was it a big deal? -- You might have grown up in circumstances in which it was natural for you to be defensive or always on guard to protect yourself. If your childhood environment was chaotic, scary or dangerous and there were serious consequences to your mistakes or behavior, it makes sense that defensiveness would become a part of your self-preservation strategy. If you grew up in a very strict household, it could even have been very natural for you to lie to get out of trouble. The child within you would benefit from you giving yourself some grace as to why you did what you needed to do in order to avoid pain or punishment. In all my years of practice and of research, I’ve learned that having the most effective communication possible is what makes the deepest, most vibrant, healthiest and truly loving relationships flourish. Effective communication is something I am super passionate about, so that’s why this week, I’m tackling defensiveness, how to raise our awareness around it and how to stop it from blocking our greatest potential in all of our relationships. Want to dive deeper? My pal Mark Groves and I did a 3-hour workshop all about transforming the way you communicate in every area of life. Get scripts, tools & guidance to gracefully navigate challenging discussions, address misunderstandings & develop a happier, healthier approach toward communication: https://crushingcommunication.com/ Download the free guide that goes along with this video: https://terricole.com/effective-communication-tips-guide/ *TIME STAMPS:* 0:00 - Introduction 0:37 - What is being "defensive"? 1:43 - Why are some of us so defensive? + My personal example 5:22 - Why defensiveness is bad for our relationships 7:06 - The connection between criticism and defensiveness 8:37 - Tips on clearing your side of the street and ridding yourself of this dynamic 15:30 - Why it's important to become an active listener *RELATED VIDEOS:* https://youtu.be/xpkjFkhK6tg - How to Effectively Communicate During Conflict Without Making It Worse https://youtu.be/thPuQxYeWw0 - 7 Strategies to Stop Being So Defensive https://youtu.be/zEw9I9lyb6g - How to Communicate In Conflict https://youtu.be/SArj4a4jSec - Setting Boundaries With Someone Who's Defensive https://youtu.be/H7gmwfqTWpM - Boundary Script for Diffusing Arguments https://youtu.be/F1qgk5Z1Y0k - How to Manage Passive Aggressive Behavior *ABOUT TERRI COLE:* Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021) *CONNECT ON SOCIAL:* Instagram: https://www.terricole.com/ig Private Community: https://terricole.com/fbg (no longer on Facebook) Facebook: https://www.terricole.com/fb Terri Cole: https://www.terricole.com *RESOURCES:* BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust. My book, Boundary Boss: https://boundarybossbook.com & The Boundary Boss Workbook: https://boundarybossworkbook.com Boundary Bootcamp, my 8-week signature course, carefully constructed to take you to the next level of empowerment in all your personal + professional relationships using a positive and proactive boundary skillset that no one ever taught you. Until now: https://terricole.com/boundarybootcamp https://www.terricole.com/gethelp/ — If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help. #terricoleshow #communicationskills #relationshiptips

What's Anya Mind, Friends? Today, I share 5 steps to help you resolve conflict in your relationships based on the book, Eight Dates, written by two renowned couples therapists John & Julie Schwartz Gottman. These steps include identifying the conflict, understanding why it's happening, and coming up with a plan of action. If you're struggling with conflict in your relationships, then watch this video! This therapist will share 5 steps that will help you fix the conflict and restore your relationships. These steps are easy to follow and will help you get through arguments and fights. So if you're looking for ways to repair your relationships, then this video is for you! JOIN THE BOOKCLUB// https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/1174609-what-s-anya-page-steph-anya-book-club BOOK MENTIONED// Eight Dates by John Gottman Ph.D. & , Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D: https://amzn.to/3rsnW2h FIND A THERAPIST// https://www.aamft.org/Directories/Find_a_Therapist.aspx WEBSITE// www.whatsanyamind.com SOCIAL MEDIA// Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_steph.anya Goodreads: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/stephanya Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/steph.anya.fb EXAM STUDY PREP (that I use)// American Association for The Behavioral Sciences Study (AATBS) Volume I & II (15% Discount): https://www.talkable.com/x/0pWfTO FOR MEDIA & SPONSORSHIP INQUIRIES// Please email: stephanya@thestation.io GEAR// Camera: https://amzn.to/2xJoybv Mic: https://amzn.to/2XPZjin Flash: https://amzn.to/3czlgGI Mic: https://amzn.to/2ZxBDA4 Audio Recorder: https://amzn.to/3bUKG0J Flash: https://amzn.to/3czlgGI Lighting: https://amzn.to/2XnyQaa Theme Song: Prod. NDO: https://www.youtube.com/NDObeats Prod. Mari Beats: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0JqfYoOQDBGAT1_3r43z9Q In-Video Music: Prod. Mari Beats

Conflict absolutely makes or breaks your relationship. How we fight makes a HUGE difference. In this episode I talk about what relationship experts say is the best way to fight or navigate conflict in our relationships, with empathy, active listening, validation, emotional safety and consideration so that it doesn't tear us apart. How to get HER in the MOOD (funny) https://bit.ly/41AAZyS If you ever want to support my work https://bit.ly/3FWA1Ez #marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

⭐ Check Out Our Secret Video on Self-Awareness 👇 https://www.love.happilycommitted.com/self-awareness-1 ⭐ Check Out Our Secret Video on Breaking Routine👇 https://www.love.happilycommitted.com/breaking-routine-1 ⭐ Need Immediate 1-on-1 Custom-Tailored Coaching? Schedule A Call With Us👇: https://happilycommitted.com/coaching/ ===VIDEO CHAPTERS=== 00:00 Hi, I'm Danny, Life & Relationship Coach 01:16 Tools to rebuild trust in your relationship 01:22 1. Ask for forgiveness 02:13 2. Make your actions match your words 03:15 3. Ask how you can restore trust 03:58 4. Tell your partner WHY you love them 04:59 5. Make eye contact 06:18 Breaking routines ATTRACTION TOOLKIT How To Maximize Your Attraction Power https://bit.ly/2FYNxrZ INSECURITY TOOLKIT How To Overcome Insecurities In Love https://bit.ly/30xG9NK MOVING ON TOOLKIT Help Moving On After Heartbreak https://bit.ly/2R2V7rA INFIDELITY VIDEO SEMINAR How To Cope And Heal After Infidelity https://bit.ly/39gnJEe We are Happily Committed. Our mission is to help you make your relationship great. We are very thankful that you tuned in. We have tons and tons of resources at your disposal. This is who we are. This is what we do. We are Love Coaches. You can find free articles on our website www.happilycommitted.com A lot of articles on building confidence and strengthening your relationships You can find more videos on our YouTube channel Happily Committed. And you can also get programs and toolkits to help you get the support you need along the way. #marriageadvice #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach

Get "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 https://bit.ly/LoveAfterHeartbreakYTSpecial DO THIS To Rebuild TRUST In A Relationship... In this dating advice video, I will give you the seven steps on how to build trust in a relationship. You may want to know how to build trust on first dates, online dating or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to this relationship advice and be sure to watch the entire video. Building trust in a relationship is a process and I don’t want you to automatically think that trust has to be earned and not given. I want you to know how to build trust in a marriage, relationship, or even while you are dating. It’s not easy to trust people, but for a relationship to be successful there needs to be some level of trust and I’m going to lay out for you the necessary steps that you can take to building trust. Be sure to embrace the steps I share so that you can know how to build trust as well as how to rebuild trust once it has been broken. As a certified life coach, relationship coach, and dating coach, I want to make dating and relationships easier for you. I pray that you find this video helpful and that you will be able to have healthy relationships. If you are asking any of the following questions or searching for: - How to build trust in a relationship - How to build trust in a relationship again - Trust - How to build trust - Online dating - How to rebuild trust in a relationship - How to rebuild trust - build trust relationship - How to build trust in a marriage - building trust - Relationship advice - Dating advice - Relationship coach - Dating coach and more, well, I believe this dating advice for women and men video will give you the clarity you need. =============================================== LET'S CONNECT: ★Get my books and more! https://www.stephanspeaksshop.com =============================================== I hope you enjoyed my video: DO THIS To Rebuild TRUST In A Relationship Watch this dating advice video next The 9 Signs He's IN LOVE With You! 👉 • The 9 Signs He's ... =============================================== #HowToBuldTrustInARelationship #HowToBuildTrust #BuildingTrust #Trust #BuildTrustRelationship #HowToRebuildTrust #HowToRebuildTrustInARelationship #OnlineDating #RelationshipAdvice #DatingAdvice #StephanSpeaks

The Key to a Successful Relationship: Emotional Intimacy. What if there was a secret ingredient to making your relationship unbreakable? Dive into today's video as I, Adam Lane Smith, a relationship specialist with over 15 years of experience, unveil the often overlooked magic of "Emotional Intimacy". ➡️The Definition of Emotional Intimacy: Discover the essence of emotional closeness and how it forms the backbone of every connected relationship. ➡️The Role of Attachment: Dive deep into the role of insecure attachment in our relationships and learn about the foundational bonding experiences from our past. ➡️5 Key Strategies to Foster Emotional Intimacy: From open communication to maintaining physical intimacy, these actionable tips can elevate your relationship to new heights. 👥 For the Couples: Many of you asked for a simplified and easy-to-understand video on this topic. Whether you're familiar with the term or it's completely new to you, by the end of this video, you'll know the significance of emotional intimacy and how to cultivate it in your relationship. 🎯 Goal: To give you the tools to build a bond so strong that you feel completely at home with your partner - with trust, love, and openness at its core. 💬 Comments? Queries? Struggling with attachment issues? Drop a comment below, and I'm here to help! 🛎️ SUBSCRIBE & TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS: Stay updated with more insights on relationships, and thank you for your support! It helps in creating more valuable content like this. 📚 Attachment Boot Camp Video Course: Facing challenges due to insecure attachment in your relationship? Check out my video course at adamlanesmith.com to build a stronger bond with your partner. ✅ https://adamlanesmith.com/courses/ Together, let's navigate the intricate world of human connections and make every relationship count. Remember, the secret to thriving relationships lies right there in your hands. See you in the next video! #AdamLaneSmith #EmotionalIntimacy #RelationshipTips ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Attention all love-seekers and self-improvement enthusiasts! Are you tired of feeling stuck in your relationships, unable to form strong connections with others? Do you want to learn how to love yourself and find lasting romance? Look no further than Attachment Bootcamp – the ultimate 7-hour deep dive into attachment presented by renowned Attachment Specialist, Adam Lane Smith. https://adamlanesmith.com/courses/ This isn't your average run-of-the-mill course – this is a proven 10-step system that will revolutionize the way you view yourself and your relationships. Through engaging video lessons, you'll discover the keys to building strong attachments and connecting with others on a deeper level. Seeking a more personalized approach? Adam's 1-on-1 coaching sessions are a great way to bring your questions to the table and get immediate, targeted, actionable steps to overcome the issues you might be facing. https://adamlanesmith.com/single-session/ Prefer a group experience? The Attachment Circle is a Discord community. https://adamlanesmith.com/the-attachment-circle/ Don't forget your copy of The 4 Attachment Styles Guide – a valuable resource for understanding your attachment style and how to navigate relationships accordingly. https://adamlanesmith.com/the4attachments/ Don't wait another day to transform your love life and start building healthy, fulfilling connections. Enroll in Attachment Bootcamp now and join the thousands of others who have found success through Adam's teachings. And while you're at it, check out Adam's other amazing products, including his book Slaying Your Fear – the ultimate guide for conquering insecurity and achieving your dreams. https://adamlanesmith.com/books/ What are you waiting for? Take the first step towards a happier, more connected future – sign up for Attachment Bootcamp today! https://adamlanesmith.com/courses/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 📚 Slaying Your Fear: A guide for people who grapple with insecurity. https://adamlanesmith.com/books/ -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you like this episode you should also check out talk with Gabor Mate! Watch right here 👉 https://youtu.be/OTQJmkXC2EI Today, I sit down with Stephan Labossiere to talk about breakups and relationship building. We exchange thoughts on the importance of emotional maturity and how it greatly helps couples resolve misunderstandings, the reasons most relationships are dubbed challenging and difficult, understanding what a love cycle is and how emotionally damaging it is, and healing your trauma and working on yourself first are the first steps to attracting the right partner. Stephan Labossiere a.k.a Stephan Speaks is a man on a mission, and that mission is to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. As a certified relationship coach, a speaker and author, Stephan seizes every opportunity to help both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships. Some of his most popular books are Love After Heartbreak, He's Lying Sis: Uncover the Truth Behind His Words and Actions, and The Man God Has For You: 7 Traits To Help You Determine Your Life Partner. You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:40 What are the signs that someone deeply loves you? 04:01 Both partners need to be emotionally ready to grow love 08:56 Compatibility is about two people co-existing in harmony 13:10 How do you differentiate connection and chemistry, and what stage are you in? 16:51 Is anything that is not sustainable not healthy for any relationship? 21:15 Allowing children to discover themselves and their interests helps them become more self-aware 24:16 Why are most relationships difficult and become a continuous struggle? 29:13 The love advice you’ve probably heard but shouldn’t practice 34:07 Why do you need to nurture both of your masculine and feminine energy? 43:23 This is how you test the compatibility you have with your partner 46:42 Learn about the unhealthy love cycle that often causes relationships to fail 55:14 Aim to become the best you and you start to attract the right person 58:16 Focus on the healing from everything that you’ve been through, not just from your breakup 01:05:42 Stephan on Final Five

What to Expect in Couples Counseling. In this video we will be covering what to expect in couples counseling. If you are new to the channel, welcome! Super happy to have you here! :) Be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with our weekly videos on mental health related topics and helpful coping skills for you to apply in your own everyday lives. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC04cm2aqYUMzTneZlgh_2cQ?sub_confirmation=1 In this video we will be reviewing 4 things to expect in couples counseling. If you are looking into starting couples counseling, these 4 things may be helpful to know and understand what to expect before getting started with couples counseling. AMAZON AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: This video description contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, I will receive a small commission that does not affect the pricing of your item. Here are some helpful books that I commonly recommend for my clients: Boundaries (A helpful workbook to help establish clear boundaries) https://amzn.to/3zdkAHB Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love (Flashcards for helpful ways to communicate with your partner) https://amzn.to/4euUDmW The 5 Love Languages (Helpful tools to identify your own or partner's Love Language) https://amzn.to/4cs5oEK Helpful Self-Care coping tools: Gel mask: https://amzn.to/3zh6sNp Sound Machine: https://amzn.to/3RGtuDS Essential Oils: https://amzn.to/3zfVE2h Take a look at our "Communication Skills" playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuHrqM8rqSUPanTGrwx-mlFwjQgu6vU00 ***If you have any questions, please feel free to comment below or email me.*** Email: Gabriel@soaringfamiliescounseling.com www.SoaringFamiliesCounseling.com 🔔 If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe for more videos on mental health related topics and helpful coping skills. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC04cm2aqYUMzTneZlgh_2cQ?sub_confirmation=1 ***DISCLAIMER*** Information provided on this channel is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client, physician, or quasi-physician relationship. You should not use information on this channel or the information on links from or featured on this channel (or any part thereof) to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified provider. If you are having urgent mental health needs or concerns, including thoughts of death or suicide, please call 911, the Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255), or head to the nearest emergency room as needed. Please always seek the advice of a qualified provider regarding any questions related to treatment options and treatment needs.

What's Anya Mind, Friends? In today's video I'm sharing a lot about communication. We're discussing active listening, practical tips, and even the two most common barriers. Effective communication is a must-have in any healthy relationship whether it's romantic, platonic, familial, or even professional. Which of these are you going to work on? FIND A THERAPIST// https://www.aamft.org/Directories/Find_a_Therapist.aspx SOCIAL MEDIA// Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_steph.anya Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/steph.anya.fb FOR MEDIA & SPONSORSHIP INQUIRIES// Please email: stephanya@thestation.io GEAR// Camera: https://amzn.to/2xJoybv Mic: https://amzn.to/2XPZjin Flash: https://amzn.to/3czlgGI Mic: https://amzn.to/2ZxBDA4 Audio Recorder: https://amzn.to/3bUKG0J Flash: https://amzn.to/3czlgGI Lighting: https://amzn.to/2XnyQaa Theme Song: Prod. NDO: https://www.youtube.com/NDObeats Prod. Mari Beats: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0JqfYoOQDBGAT1_3r43z9Q 0:00 Introduction 1:24 The Goal: Better Understanding 3:51 Set clear intentions 4:13 Create a safe atmosphere 4:46 Speak slowly 4:53 Be concise 5:20 Understandable language 6:22 Watch your body language 7:27 Avoid sarcasm 9:30 Stay on topic 9:59 Avoid shifting blame 10:34 Barrier 1: Loud Noise 10:59 Barrier 2: Stress